23
June
2007

ready for something better1

475069491l I’ve been holding on to a dream for so long now..afraid to open my eyes and allow the dream to end. Such a fool I was. The dream was nice, yes, but totally unreal..out of reach..no longer mine..not mine to begin with. When I willed myself to unclose my eyes, I had to smile. And with the slightest hint of regret I realized I should have done this before. That which is real is better, after all. I was deceived by a dream and fooled by what I thought was real, by my emotions, blind faith… I am inclined to reserve a moment or two..to weep .. indulge in self pity ..to hide from the world ..allow my pain to paralyze me until I no longer feel a thing - - but that phase is over now. Didn’t I just say that I have opened my eyes? And that I have realized….I am ready for something better - - the life that was designed for me and the love that I deserve…(may not be soon..i don’t really want it right now..whatever that is…I’m so willing to take time now..i don’t think that’s what I need right now) I can see my..sunshine after the rain (color it with rainbows pa!)..and I can hear music everywhere..I can feel it all around me.. taking me where I ought to be…carrying me away from the dream that has ended..to something much better..to something real..and this could just be my destiny.. me..my little angel..and our future..together..

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17
June
2007

share lang… ;)0

—–>ENJOY READING!!!

When you think of your past love,
you may view it as a failure.
But when you find a new love,
you view the past as a teacher.
In the game of love, it
doesn’t really matter who won or who lost.
What is important is you know when
to hold on and when to let go!

You know you really love someone when you
want him or her to be happy, even if his or her
happiness means that you’re not part of it.

Everything happens for the best. If the person
you love doesn’t love you back, don’t be afraid to
love someone else again, for you’ll never know
unless you give it a try. You’ll never love a person
you love unless you risk for love. Love strives in
hurting. If you don’t get hurt, you don’t learn
how to love.

Love doesn’t hurt all the time, though the hurting
is still there to test you and to help you grow. Don’t
find love, let love find you. That’s why it’s called
falling in love because you don’t force yourself to
fall. You just fall. You cannot finish a book without
closing its chapters. If you want to go on, then you
have to leave the past as you turn the pages.

Love is not destroyed by a single failure or won
by a single caress. It is a lifetime venture in which
we are always learning, discovering and growing.

The greatest irony of love is letting go when you
need to hold on and holding on when you need to
let go. We lose someone we love only when we
are destined to find someone else who can love
us even more than we can love ourselves.

On falling out of love, take some time to heal
and then get back on the horse. But don’t ever
make the same mistake of riding the same one
that threw you the first time.

To love is to risk rejections; to live is to risk
dying, to hope is to risk failure. But risk must
be taken because the greatest hazard in life
is risking nothing!

To reach for another is to risk involvement, to
expose your feelings is to expose your true self; to
love is to risk not to be loved in return.

How to define love: fall but do not stumble, be
constant but not too persistent, share and never
be unfair, understand and try not to demand, hurt
but never keep the pain. Love is like a knife. It can
stab the heart or it can carve wonderful images
into the soul that always last for a lifetime.

Love is supposed to be the most wonderful
feeling. It should inspire you and give you joy and
strength. But sometimes the things that give you
joy can also hurt you in the end.

Loving people means giving them the freedom
that they choose to be and where they choose to
be. For all the heartaches and the tears, for
gloomy days and fruitless years, you should give
thanks, for you know, that these were the things
which helped you grow.

Loving someone means giving him the freedom
to find his way, whether it leads towards you or
away from you. Love is a painful risk to take but
the risk must be taken no matter how scary or
painful, for only then you’ll experience the fullness
of humanity and that is love.

Only love can hurt your heart, fill you with desire
and tear you apart. Only love can make you cry
and only love knows why. If you’re not ready to cry,
if you’re not ready to take the risk, if you’re not
ready to feel the pain, then you’re not ready to fall
in love.

There was a time in our lives when we became
afraid to fall in love because every time we do, we
get hurt, then I figured that’s why it’s called
falling in love. When you decide to love, allow it to
grow. When you promise to love, refuse to let it die!

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17
June
2007

Greatest Test0

THE GREATEST TEST OF TRUE LOVE   

The most important, most critical component in successful loving is commitment. Not love.

It’s easy to love without commitment. People do it all the time. Easy to love, to give of oneself for a while. But commitment implies bonding in such a way that one promises to keep the fires of love burning indefinitely. It also means shutting one’s heart to the possibility of loving another who might even be more attractive, even more lovable. Not easy. This is why solid commitments are not at all as common as we are led to believe. In fact, more often than not, I think that the commitment two lovers make are not equal. What I mean is that the commitment of one might be a whole lot more or a whole lot less than the partner’s. We see it all the time. One loves more than the other and is more committed than the other. We have often seen lopsided love relationships where one partner is giving so much more to the relationship than the other.

But writers and poets seem to always indicate that love isn’t just a two-way street, but an equal two-way street. That hardly ever happens. It is impossible to determine exactly how much a man loves a woman or how much a woman cares for a man. Love cannot be measured and that can be a huge problem. You can love someone and tell him "I love you" and you’re telling the truth. But how much do you love him? Enough to let him court you? Enough to marry him? Enough to die for him? THE GREATEST TEST OF TRUE LOVE is commitment. And the greatest indicator of deep love is deep commitment. I have heard people say all the right words, make all the right moves and pledge undying love, only to walk away weeks or months later. Were they in love? Sure they were. But not enough to allow them to hold strong in their love. Not enough to keep a commitment regardless of the pain.

Lover gets this sinking feeling when there is a sense that one is more committed than the other. When one is giving a lot more than one is receiving. When one’s love is a lot more solid than the creaky love of the partner. When a couple believe strongly that their commitment to each other is rock solid, there is a deep sense of security, a feeling that it’s OK to give all because the gift of yourself is safe in the hands of the beloved. If, however, there is doubt or, even worse, the conviction that one is engaged in one-way giving, in a one-way commitment that is lopsided, then there is a tendency to pull back and not give as much. And when that happens, love begins to fade.

It has always been a problem of a failing commitment on the part of at least one of the partners. Unless there is the raising of the level of commitment, the relationship is doomed. It’s finished. Sooner or later the stresses will take their toll and the relationship will begin to fall apart. On the other hand, look carefully at couples who are still very much in love after 20, 25 years. Their commitment to each other cannot be shaken. Neither can their love.

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16
June
2007

back on my feet..but not quite..0

It scares me a bit to realize how much things have normalized.. it is scary to think that all the energy I have are being provided by blood pumping through a still very much broken H…so this is how a zombie exists…moving in time, things done…smile at the right time..even make a crucial decision or two…pretending is the name of the game for now. I’m almost convinced when I say that I am okay. But I really am ok. I think. I’m really doing well, despite (sih) absence in my life (as if “eh” was ever there for me to begin with)….a evol (or was it, really) or maybe it was really nothing..but I can feel the weight of its absence. Nothing comes from nothing. Confusing? Confusing. So what was it then? A passing breeze? A distant tune? It was nothing….so I should be okay, right? And I am doing fine. I really am. I look around me…all is right in my world, everything in the right place..events unfolding as it should..this smile is real..but why do I feel as if I’m still nursing something? a “bh”?! oh well..whatever!

sigh…

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