August
2007
……0
surpassing every tragedy in life..getting over and learning to let go of few things..accepting reality..trying ur best to move on with what u have and what was left..focusing on the brighter side..and telling yourself everyday ur gonna make it to the other end..and be happy knowing that everyday is a blessing to make yourself better and a chance to change things that u can..and believing that there are reasons..as well as answers……I AM GRATEFUL and i thank HIM for comfort, clarity and His LOVE. it’s a matter of Faith and Time…and FAITH…
posted last june at livejournal…
During one of my (self-imposed) darkest moments not so long ago, there are people (friends..those who cares about me and what I’m going thru) who told me to keep my options open. It was perhaps the best piece of advice at that point in time, at least. The problem with me, as always, is my tendency to be caught up and be totally consumed by an idea or a plan or a person or a phase in my life…at a particular moment. And when that happens, I find myself totally unable to look either to the left or right….or up and down…just straight ahead…like walking in a tunnel where nothing else matters but the light up ahead…I can see no other color but black and white…mostly gray. And when the idea fails or when the person disappears or the plan backfires…I am left with nothing but a totally dehydrated spirit…too exhausted to move on…too frustrated to even think of a bright side..of the window that should supposedly open when a door closes. When the fire dies and I am left alone to sweep away the scattered pieces …ashes…and other souvenirs of a failed relationships (romantically or a long time friendship), shattered dreams and broken promises….it can be quite miserable and there’s nothing I’d rather do but dwell in that misery, nourish my sense of self pity….feed the bitterness that attempts to corrode my heart and soul. I know I have to optimistic but normally that’s how I am. I needed time to compose myself..to heal..to forgive..to realize and by heart remember what lessons should be learned THIS TIME. I have bumped into many dead ends in what seemed to be smooth highways or cheerful roads….have seen too many promising beginnings having suddenly sad endings….I have made too many mistakes. I always get left behind no matter how fast I run or how hard I try to keep up…and meet certain expectations…too many great expectations leading to major disappointments. These past few days, in between all the things needed to be done.. I find myself thinking..deciding…that this is it….no more uncalculated risks…no more passionate rush to embrace that free, elusive, invisible gust of wind called love…no more heartbreaks…no more tears. Then again, after the initial bursts of deep seated pain and scorching hurt, I find myself blaming no one else but…myself….I brought this upon myself - for thinking that I can just allow my world, my universe to revolve around one single thought..person or plan…when all around me there’s so much more…so much more is in store for me…so many reasons to move on….to be happy…as always, my misery is merely self imposed…(sabi nga sa text nag-iinarte lang?!) but seriously it was an ugly tunnel…cold…dark…no one else but me. I’m moving forward now one step at a time…I can see the other end…and it’s brighter…i can’t wait to get there…
http://forgetful-jeudi.livejournal.com/
