March
2007
before you leave……0
|
||
|
Written by anastacia newkirk - sam watters - louis biancaniello
March
2007
July
2006
ending july2
Monday – buh-bye ninang - QA day - Cpt - Something’s wrong..something is fucking wrong - Started to worry Tuesday – systems down (no que..no calls/less calls) - Pichur-pichur - and so am I (im so fucking down) bad bad bad - kisses needed something sweet..mood booster..something sweet for my stirring depression Wednesday – me and my big mouth - and that annoying friend of mine..(no I guess she’s not a friend) she’s letting other people know about my secret!! - She’s so freakin’daldal! Ugh! - That 5:52 am call! Caller looking for the last name Montgomery first names judy or tooot (my secret alllinav’s name) on springwater something.. made me feel better. - That “motherfucking” test call which turned out to be a good call. “motherfucking” kc the caller was so irate..cursing every after word kc binabaan daw cya nung agent na nakausap nya etc! dko na maintindihan sobrang slang eh! Kaya keber bahala ka magmura jan! - I got a kiss from my TL for that! Sa noo! Eheh! Thursday – INDIFFERENT! :’ ( - food day sa itouch..ulk! d kaya masarap! Ice tea lang na-apreciate ko! - I’M SOOOO SAD! WHY WHY WHY?! How could I’ve been sooo stupid?! - maganda lang ngayon ay ok na kmi ni Hapi..aside from that I just want to burry myself 6 feet under! Friday – “HI?!” huh?! Today is nothing but a simple “Hi” from him but means so much to me. Sat – BROKE/penniless/BUSTED/ruined I shopped for drei..new shirt,new toys (was supposed to be happy for this pero sana talagang d nalang ako nag-friendster para d nasira yung araw ko! Bullshit! - I’m soo broke! - Broke about money..(ok lang sna pero itong nasa baba) - Broke about that friendster account! - How broke?! It feels like I have a boyfriend and we had a fight and I love him so much and he broke up with me for no reason at all! Ganon ka-broke! Ganon yung feeling! Ganon ka-bad! Sunday – went to mnla memorial to visit lolo and lola..lolo’s death anniv..then alabang.. lunch with family. went straight to eastwood to meet sheryl, blue, rain, chuck, hapi,and peter. -movie day .. SUKOB night! nakakagulat! twas fun though..sayang d ako nakasama sa aladinos para magvideoke..hehe next time..i was so hinayang dahil pagdating ko dito drei’s tulog na! argh! kainis! THEY just spoiled my day! pero ganon talaga! always GANON TALAGA..(sigh) (ENG-LOG mode?! English tagalog?!) hehe ang arte! -ending this month with a period (.) for some reasons..and move ahead. Move on..i’m moving on..Feel better..just like before..stay happy..take things as they come. Let it rain (as pai said). I love rainy days ayoko lang ng baha (cno bang me-gusto?!) It breaks my heart but I feel so much sane and I love rain..I love it kc malamig masarap matulog..ilove rain wala lang there’s something about it na hindi ko ma-explain!
July
2006
untitled0
To my secret allinav,
I want to see you everyday. Every single day I want to see a glimpse of your smile. I’m always looking forward to every part of it where we would cross and you’ll say “hi” and you would smile at me. I want more than that I want you to say “how you doin’ or how was
ur
day..just keep it up…”just whatever! I want a loOOong conversation. I want to gaze at you while you talk. Just look at you, smile and listen and smile. I want it that simple. I want you to know me..really know me. And I want to know more about you. much much more about you. The things you like, the things you love, the people around you, your favorite food, your favorite scent, the books you read, what makes you smile, or what makes you frown..everything about you..
ur
fears if u want..whatever makes your day..so that if I had a chance in any way, I wanted to give back the favor of making mine. It’s not a profound feeling or anything like it. But I want you to be a part of my day…everyday.
June
2006
i hate you1
I hate you for making me feel so uncertain about
so many things that I did not use to question.
I hate you for making me assume
so many unrealistically wonderful thoughts about us.
I hate you for letting me think of and analyze
even the most absurd things.
I hate you for making me set utopian expectations
about tomorrow.
I hate you for making me an eternal prisoner
of my own selfish dreams.
I hate you for teaching me that the greatest potential
for joy has the greatest potential for pain.
I hate you for letting me suffer without you knowing
the torture that I have been undergoing just because of you.
I hate you for giving me a blissful experience,
and making me yearn for it.
I hate you for unconsciously showing me
my unknown weaknesses.
I hate you for making me realize that my life—
that I once thought is stable—is the exact opposite
of stability.
I hate you because you are the only one who can
control me, effortlessly make me depressed,
or euphoric—or both at the same time—whatever
you want me to feel.
I hate you for making me lost—mentally pensive
and deafeningly speechless—in the midst of a casual
conversation.
I hate you for making every vital part of me
drastically weak.
I hate you for making me obsessively dependent
on your existence.
I hate you for being able to see the real you and
perpetually appreciating your essence.
I hate you for making me crave for your soft voice,
your expressive eyes and long eyelashes,
the delicate curves of your face,
the unpredictable contours of your body.
I hate you for having that pleasant smile,
that high-spirited laugh, that heart-stopping facial reflexes.
I hate you for making me miss every part of you.
I hate you for keeping me worried about you even
if you seem to disregard my presence.
I hate you for magnifying my need to be loved
without actually loving me.
I hate you for making me emotionally connected with you.
Without fully realizing it immediately.
Without preparing for something I did not expect.
Without enough energy for avoiding the undeniable truth.
I hate you for not seeing the light while I already
dropped the lucid signs.
I hate you for fearing the endless possibilities if
we spend the rest of our lives together.
I hate you for hindering the chance of feeling
love in its truest sense.
I hate you for triggering my pessimistic side and
slapping me the truth that I cannot obtain the
priceless things I always wanted but will never be mine.
I hate you for not giving me the assurance that you
love me back.
I hate you for making me feel a strong but
one-directional feeling.
I hate you for making me realize that life is brutally unfair.
I hate you for making me feel this weird hatred that I could
not hurt you.
I hate you for making me weak, helpless and stupid.
I hate you because I can do nothing but hurt myself more.
I hate you. Very much.
–copyright
October
2005
so much like carrie huh?!0
Which Sex and the City Player Are You? Find out @ She’s Crafty
Sorry guys! im so into carrie bradshaw..especially when it comes to men..i always pick the wrong ones..hehehe..though i know soon BIG will come around and will rescue me from my petrovsky! wahahahaha! lols!
October
2005
just ain enough0
Loving a person is not reason enough to stay in the relationship no matter how unfulfilling it is. I decided to endure the hardships of being alone raising my son than the pain of being with someone who is too inadequate for me. yes..sometimes love just ain’t enough.
October
2005
do u agree?0
The value and quality of a relationship cannot be determined solely by how long it lasts. Some of the highest-quality relationships last only a few months or years. On the other hand, some unhealthy relationships last a lifetime.
September
2005
just a thought: from my cuz0
The quintessence of life does not hinge on what
one has achieved, gained, or accumulated
materially but how much he has tried to perfect his
character. "What does it benefit a man to gain the
whole world but lose his soul?" Moreover, it’s wiser
not to expect, but to hope. For in expecting, we
meet disappointments; whereas in hoping, we
invite surprises.
September
2005
just isnt fair0
This Just Isn’t Fair
My love for you is very strong. I thought if you were mine, I couldn't go wrong. At night I dream of you liking me, Liking me for the things you apparently don't see. You broke my heart and you made me cry. You made me feel as if I wanted to die. Why did you do this? Didn't you feel bad? Or do you find pleasure in making people sad? I gave you my heart and you broke it in two. Deep inside you knew my feelings for you were true. But still you shrugged your shoulders, like you could care. Finding people that have the same feelings as I is really really rare. You couldn't give me a chance, not even one. The last time I saw you, our friendship was done. You wouldn't respond to my letter. You wouldn't even say hi. Nothing anyone could do could make me feel better. All I could do was sit and sigh. I hope you're aware of the sadness you've caused, Of the frowns and hurt you've made. I'd like to think that you've sat and paused And understood that people aren't to be treated this way.
August
2005
Change is good1
Sometimes letting go is good, it’s up to you how
you handle it….
Everything in life happens for a reason. Life is
full of peaks and valleys. Even though they
are more difficult, you
learn more during the valleys or the challenging
times. When you are in a
valley, you might not see the value of it; but later,
when you look back,
you will realize that you have learned a great deal.
Know that nothing you
experience is an accident. Everything you
experience and everyone you meet
teaches you something or holds a lesson for you.
Know That When One Door Closes, Another
Opens.
Change is good. This is how you grow. Eventually
you will see that
sometimes you have to lose something to gain
something else. Even illness,
death, and financial loss have a purpose. Did a
tragedy bring you closer to
your family and friends? Did the community reach
out to you? Were you
forced to switch gears? Faith is knowing that
everything is okay and works
out. You will grow stronger from all that you
experience.
